Day 3 of my ‘catch the blog up to cancer’ series. Today in real life is a frustrating day. She’s been in the hospital for 15 days with no hint of going home soon. Stupid chemo killed her immune system and now we deal with the fevers and infections that result from a 0% immune system. It’s stupid. It makes zero sense to my very non-medical brain. We’re also shaving her head soon so, there’s that.
In the meantime, here’s a nuggets from a month ago when we were in the hospital the first time.
June 13, 2017Parenting a toddler literally on steroids is really hard…
Some days aren’t that much fun. Today Sophie woke up real cranky and it carried through most of the day. The steroids she’s been on for almost a month to shrink Shonda make her more prone to be moody and have outbursts.
Today she was not all about Mama AT ALL. “Mama NO!”, “Mama STOP!”, and “Don’t touch Mama!” were staples in her vocabulary all day long.
It’s not real fun when your baby has cancer and all you want to do is hold her but, she wants nothing to do with you. She was having a moment earlier where she wanted yogurt so I got her yogurt then she started screaming because she no longer wanted the yogurt. Then she wanted it but, she had to hold it, resulting in yogurt spilling all over her and then she screamed because she was covered in yogurt. I was at the end of today’s rope and then it hit me…… Shelby, she’s 2. She has been poked and prodded and terrified away from home for a month. She’s got about 8 medicines in her system at any given moment and she’s on steroids that literally change her personality. And she probably just doesn’t feel that great because she got a super strong chemo 24 hours ago…
AND… She’s 2.
I can’t imagine going through what she’s going through at 28 let alone at her age when she can comprehend none of what’s going on around her. She needs grace from me, not frustration and anger. I need to take a deep breath, not take it personal, and just be there in whatever capacity she wants me in for now. And guess what, 2 minutes after the yogurt screaming, she fell asleep and I laid down next to her, cuddled up, and we slept for 3 hours. When she woke up she said “Hi Mama!!” and stroked my face. Perspective. Because sometimes, you just need a 3 hour nap.
#BTHOshonda #SophieTheBrave #GodisBIGGER #LymphomaSucks #toddleronsteroids #THAFACE